


Parachute

by sarahenany



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Nishinoya Yuu, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:08:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahenany/pseuds/sarahenany
Summary: Missing scenes from "Ripcord," where Noya is raped and left for dead and Tanaka is left to pick up the pieces. Suggest you read that first. Link is in description.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 9
Kudos: 112





	Parachute

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foil/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Ripcord](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013736) by [foil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foil/pseuds/foil). 



> 1\. There is some pretty strong Hollywood Healing in here, mainly things healing faster than they should emotionally.  
> 2\. WARNING. This fic disregards the fact that STRANGULATION VICTIMS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT SOLID FOOD UNTIL CLEARED BY A DOCTOR! This usually takes at least a week! It can lead to choking and asphyxiation.  
> 3\. Thanks to foil, who is a goddess.

On their way home from hospital, Ryuu drives carefully, carefully, every slight bump or irregularity in the road making him wince even before he sees Yuu clench his fist or grit his teeth. He’s going to kill that fucker. He is going to fucking kill him. He better hope they sentence him to a prison term because nothing but iron bars will protect him from Ryuu. If he’s acquitted… Ryuu trembles. He feels a flash of regret for his life, his career, because while he’d balk at actually committing murder, he’s not above making Shin wish he were dead.

They hit a long, smooth stretch of road and somewhere in between the glances Ryuu sneaks at him, Yuu falls asleep. Ryuu’s _stupid_ heart flips in his _stupid_ chest as he looks over at his sleeping face, head lolling back against the headrest. No matter how hard he tries to be strong for Yuu, the feelings just keep breaking through. The dawn light’s just starting to come through the windows, and it silhouettes his face. He looks so fragile, so broken—

No. _No._ Ryuu brings himself up short. Not broken. Never broken. Tonight was proof of that. He’s bloodied, beaten, violated – _almost killed,_ Ryuu’s treacherous mind can’t help whispering, _almost fucking killed him,_ and his stomach churns again – but if he ever needed evidence of Nishinoya Yuu’s boundless courage and indomitable spirit, he saw it tonight. The way he smiled. The way he defused the tension. ‘Got my ass handed to me.’ Honest, casual, understated— _dammit._ He’s never seen anyone braver or more stupid or more… more…

The road blurs. Shit. He’s crying. He blinks hard – no need to add a car accident to the list of shitty things that happened tonight, he thinks, and a hysterical giggle surges up in his throat. _One way to take your mind off it,_ he pictures himself saying to Yuu as they’re both lying underneath the crashed car, its wheels spinning, Yuu side-eyeing Ryuu and drumming his fingers on the tarmac, like an anime where no-one ever gets hurt.

His hand twitches. He’s aching to reach out and touch Yuu, lay a hand on his knee in those huge hospital sweats (bless you, Suga-san), but he’s afraid that unwanted touch, especially when he’s asleep, might set him off, trigger a memory or something. So he just keeps his eyes on the road. The sooner they’re home, the better.

He’s very, very grateful there’s a parking garage in the basement of his apartment building. He has a completely irrational urge to shelter Yuu from prying eyes, if not actually hide him away until he’s completely one-hundred-per-cent better. It’s dumb. Yuu can take care of himself, take care of both of them. He’s being stupid. But he can’t not be stupid. Dear God, when he walked into the apartment and thought, for a moment, that Yuu was dead…

He controls his shaking. Now isn’t the time to fall apart. Yuu needs him.

* * *

Ryuu pulls the car into the slot, cuts the engine and carefully collects the medications Suga gave him. He has no idea whether they’d normally be issued by the hospital or whether Suga went above and beyond so they wouldn’t have to stop at a pharmacy, but he’s _fucking_ grateful. He stuffs everything into his bag and slings it over his shoulder. Then he walks around the car and opens the passenger door.

Yuu’s so deeply asleep that Ryuu feels bad about waking him. The drugs and the shock must have kicked in hard. In the half-light of the garage, the bruises on his face might just be shadows. He looks just like he did when they were fifteen, young and vulnerable. Ryuu’s heart aches. “Yuu?” he whispers. On instinct, he kneels on the garage floor. “Hey? Yuu?”

Yuu is _still_ fast asleep. Ryuu’s chest twists: he looks so tiny in the car seat, so fucking _fragile. Dammit._ He wishes _so bad_ he could just magic him upstairs and into bed _right fucking now._ “Hey? C’mon? You’ll sleep better in a bed. Yuu, ah, shit, shit, man, I don’t _want_ to wake you up, just, please?”

Thank all the gods in the universe, Yuu blinks and stirs. He takes a moment to orient himself, looking around. Then he visibly remembers. He trembles and his wide eyes snap to Ryuu’s face. His hands half-lift in an aborted gesture—everything in him is _reaching._ “Ryuu…” he rasps through his ruined throat, leaning slightly toward him.

Ryuu’s crowded into the car door in an instant, gently, gently leaning in and placing his arms around Yuu’s slight, injured body, gathering him in. Fragile arms come up around his back and Yuu buries his face in his shoulder, trembling, the warmth of tears soaking into Ryuu’s shirt. “Ryuu…” Yuu’s voice chokes into his neck. “He… I…”

“Okay. Good,” Ryuu finds himself saying. He’d meant to say shh, but hell, Yuu doesn’t need shushing. He shushes too damn much as it is. “You go on and cry.” His left hand comes up to cup the back of Yuu’s head, massaging his scalp, pushing his fingers through his hair, as his right hand holds him as close as he can get him without putting too much pressure on his bruised body. “You need to let that shit out. Was wondering when you’d let it out. You can cry, man. Yell. Do whatever. I’m here.” He holds Yuu tight, a precious, precious treasure, letting his closeness heal the terror that pierced his heart when he walked into the apartment and thought Yuu was dead. That he was fucking _gone_ . “You’re here and that’s all that matters. You don’t have to be fine for me or anyone. You can not be okay, it’s fucking _fine,_ you hear me? Just… be you.”

Yuu trembles and sobs and clings closer, and _damn_ but Ryuu’s relieved. Yuu was so damn casual about it all, being so nice to Suga, so wonderful at the breakfast – dinner? What the hell? The meal – and just always, always strong and okay, and it was _too fucking much_ and Ryuu was worried, wondering when he was going to snap. Now is as good a time as any. “You’ve earned it, dude,” he murmurs, cradling Yuu’s head in his hand, pressing his cheek against his shoulder. “This is good. Healthy and shit. Let it out.”

Yuu’s fingers scrabble and clench in Ryuu’s shirt as he starts to wail.

The sound strikes at Ryuu’s heart. There’s nothing he can do; he hopes the neighbors don’t call the police because the police are the _last_ thing Yuu needs right now. His heart aches as the loud cries of anguish come, muffled against his shoulder. “Good,” he says encouragingly, rocking Yuu and edging closer, as close as he can get, then closer. “Good. You go on and scream.”

“I—I couldn’t scream…” Yuu’s breath is hitching. Ryuu wonders whether to let him go so he can look him in the eye, then decides he can’t bear to be that far away. “He—he had his hand over my mouth, Ryuu, then around my neck, I wanted to scream like maybe someone would come for help but I _couldn’t fucking scream…”_

And he sobs again, loud cries torn out of him, one after another, first a rasping inhale and then a primal, animal cry. His fingers are clutching the fabric of the shirt and Ryuu is rocking him and all he can say is “Good, good, good, you’re doing great.” Each anguished wail from Yuu tears out his _fucking_ heart at the roots, and through the chills tearing through him and his urge to punch something or scream, he just holds him and cradles his head and murmurs encouragement.

The wails die down into sobs, which die down into hiccups. At last, Yuu draws back and Ryuu releases him, cupping his elbows in his hands. “Sorry for falling apart,” Yuu grins. “I’m fine now, really.” His face is covered with tears and snot and bruises and he’s a _fucking mess,_ and he’s smiling at Ryuu and trying to _reassure_ him. What did Ryuu do to deserve a friend like him?

“No, you’re not, not yet,” Ryuu says in a rush, “but you’re gonna be. You are. You’re gonna be good as new. Better.”

Yuu grins bravely, tears shining on his cheeks in the garage light. “Of course.”

“But until then,” Ryuu says firmly, “it’s okay not to be. You don’t have to act brave for me or anyone.”

Yuu’s face flickers, like maybe he’s going to cry again. Then his expression tightens and he shakes his head. “Upstairs?” he chokes out.

It breaks Ryuu’s heart a little that Yuu doesn’t have it in him to make a smart remark. Hell – maybe Ryuu doesn’t either. “Slow and easy, okay?”

He shuffles back, watching in concern as Yuu tries to move. It’s like he’s shifting a ton of concrete. “Uhh—I’m…”

“Meds are gonna make you feel kinda stiff. It should all be kicking in now.” Ryuu slips his arm beneath the backs of Yuu’s knees. “Little help getting your legs out?”

The flash of fear in Yuu’s eyes, quickly quelled, stomps on what’s left of Ryuu’s heart. “Yeah, okay. Just… be gentle?”

Oh damn, _that_ puts a heel on Ryuu’s heart and is busily grinding it into the dust. “Slow as a tortoise, my friend,” Ryuu says extravagantly. He moves his arm by inches, by fractions of inches, his eyes flickering up to meet Yuu’s with every fractional movement, waiting for Yuu’s nod before he moves again. Yuu shifts in the seat along with Ryuu as he lifts his knees and swivels his legs, pressed tight together, and slowly, coordinating with each other, they get his legs out of the car and onto the garage floor. Ryuu slips his arm out from beneath Yuu’s knees and, eyes meeting with every shift in position, they carefully repeat the slow process of lifting Yuu to his feet. This isn’t entirely painless, but the meds that are making Yuu so woozy are also numbing the pain, so Ryuu’ll take that as a win.

When Yuu’s standing on his feet, he takes a shaky step—and cries out.

Cold floods over Ryuu as he lunges for him and catches him in his arms. Yuu clings to him for a long moment. Ryuu swallows. “May I carry you?” he whispers. “Please. Just this once. I promise to hold it over your head for as long as we live. Or not. Whatever you want. Just let me carry you.”

Yuu looks up at him with bleary eyes. “I don’t want to take away your control!” Ryuu blurts. “I don’t wanna… I just… You can walk if you want to, I just…” Dammit, his eyes are hot. “I…”

“Hey.” Yuu’s smile is too gentle, too knowing. “You can carry me, dipshit.”

“Of course I can carry your skinny ass,” is the best Ryuu can come up with. He locks the car, then bends to a half-crouch. “Put your arm around my neck?”

Yuu does, even as he grins, “Didn’t even buy me dinner first.”

“I did. Paid for our meal and everything.” Ryuu slips one arm around Yuu’s back and one behind his knees, and lifts.

“That wasn’t dinner. That was breakfast. –Unh.”

Ryuu freezes, Yuu cradled in his arms. “Am I hurting you?”

“You could never hurt me.” Before Ryuu can burst into tears, Yuu adds, “You’re too much of a loser.”

Such warmth spills through Ryuu that he feels could just spend the night right here on the floor of the parking garage. “Says the guy being carried.” Thank goodness, the elevator comes right down to the garage. He angles Yuu toward the panel. “Push the button.”

Yuu does. They wait in silence. Yuu’s heavier than he looks – he’s _built,_ for all it doesn’t show on him – but there’s no place Ryuu would rather have him. Yuu rests his head on Ryuu’s shoulder and Ryuu’s heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest. His eyes are hot again and something burns on his cheeks. He’s trying so hard not to be a wimp. Nothing happened to _him_. Nothing—

The ding of the elevator makes him blink. Must have zoned out for a moment. He steps in and the doors slide shut. “Button,” he commands.

Yuu obeys and pushes the button for Ryuu’s floor. “Don’t get used to giving orders,” he says, a smile in his voice.

“Oh, just wait ‘til we get to the meds.” His voice is unsteady. “Neesan in her bossiest mood’s gonna have _nothing_ on me.”

“Ryuu.” Yuu’s voice is gentle. “Hey, man. Don’t cry.”

Ryuu’s heart lurches. He blinks and more tears fall. “Don’t mind that.”

“I’m sorry I put you through this.”

“Ah, shit. No. _No._ I’m not having this argument carrying your heavy ass. Wait till we get upstairs.”

The door dings. Ryuu walks the few steps to his door. “You can put me down now.”

“Okay,” Ryuu says smoothly as he crouches to lower him carefully, carefully to the floor, “you’re a lousy coach and your team sucks. That enough of a put-down for you?” He slides his arms away, feeling a little bereft, hovering a bit until he’s positive Yuu’s standing okay. He slips his hand into his pocket, fumbling out his key.

“You just keep saying that till my team kicks… your… team’s…” Ryuu whirls. Yuu’s listing to the side, leaning on the wall.

“Hey. Hey. Hold on just a sec. we’ll get you into bed, okay? Just hold on.”

“Shower…” Yuu mutters as Ryuu leads him into the apartment, bracketing him with his arms like he’s going to fall..

Ryuu blinks and stops in the hallway. “Are you fucking insane? Sleep now. You can shower tomorrow.”

Yuu seems to rouse from his drug-induced lethargy. “No. _Now.”_

“You’ll fall on your face!”

There’s fire in Yuu’s eyes now. “I can’t sleep with that… all that…” He gestures up and down with his hands. “With all that _shit_ all over me!” he cries out desperately. “Ryuu, _please!”_

Ryuu holds up his hands. “Okay.” He’d pull the moon down from the sky if Yuu asked it of him right now; a shower is nothing. “Want me to wash your back?”

“No, I got this.”

Ryuu doesn’t believe it for a minute, but he has to trust Yuu. “Okay.” He jogs into the bathroom, laying out a fluffy bath-mat and piling three towels on top of the closed toilet seat and hanging another three on the back of the door. He turns on the shower, letting it start to steam up the bathroom and making sure it’s not too hot. “Your chariot awaits, my prince. Or something,” he says, gesturing extravagantly to the door. “I’ll get you something to change into while you get started and put it in there, okay?”

Yuu’s eyes meet his, and there’s that devil-may-care grin he loves so much. “That’d be awesome. _Man,_ I am _dying_ for a shower.”

Ryuu holds out his arm for Yuu to lean on and Yuu bats it away. “I’m not _that_ broken,” he says. That does not sit right with Ryuu, but it’s not the moment to start a heavy conversation. _Just let him shower, he thinks, shower and sleep, then we can deal with anything else…_

He takes a deep breath in and out and strides into the bedroom – Yuu doesn’t need anyone gawking at him, least of all Ryuu. Give the guy some space, some privacy, he thinks to himself. Although he doesn’t like… some things he said… his “dignity” in the hospital, and apologizing in the lift like this crap was _his_ fault, and calling himself broken just now…

Okay. Clothes. What’s good for Yuu? Ryuu rummages through his drawers and manages to find a thin t-shirt and boxers that are actually Yuu’s from the last time he stayed over here – which has not been often since he hooked up with that bastard – but no outer clothing. It’s not warm enough for just that tee. He looks again and finds some sweatpants with a drawstring and a soft sweatshirt that isn’t _too_ big. Socks. Gotta keep his feet warm. His shoes should be okay, he’ll check. If they’re stained with blood or some shit, he’s only one size bigger than Yuu, he can lend him a pair no problem.

Satisfied, Ryuu piles the clothes in his arms and heads for the bathroom. He can’t hear water splashing yet, only the steady monotone of the shower, but no problem, he’ll—

A sob sounds from the bathroom and he breaks into a run.

* * *

Ryuu raps on the bathroom door. “Yuu!” He can hear sobbing—heartwrenching, uncontrollable sobbing—from inside the bathroom. “Yuu!” There’s no answer. “Noya-san! _Noya! Yuu!_ Yuu, _dammit!”_ He raps again. There’s something that might be Yuu trying to speak, but he’s not sure. “I’m coming in,” he says. He really, _really_ doesn’t want to invade Yuu’s privacy – _my dignity –_ but… he can’t leave him like this, he _can’t._

“I’m coming in!” he intones dramatically one more time. He hopes the door isn’t locked from the inside: it isn’t. Despite his bellow, he pushes the door open gently.

Yuu’s buck-naked on his knees on the bath-mat, arms folded around himself, sobbing heartbrokenly.

Nude as he is, he looks like something out of a movie, something larger than life, the victim of some terrible tragedy, and oh god, he is, he _is. His_ Yuu, _his_ Noya-san, and shit this is really happening and… Ryuu jolts out of his paralysis and darts inside. He kneels opposite Yuu and reaches out. But Yuu doesn’t reach for him, curling further into himself, rocking back and forth, shuddering with his weeping.

“Hey,” Ryuu whispers. It’s the hardest thing he’s ever done not to gather Yuu into his arms. _Don’t touch him, maybe he needs privacy, maybe he needs space._ “Hey.”

Yuu shakes and sobs, looking so _fragile_ and so _cold_ and so _alone,_ and Ryuu can’t handle it anymore. He snatches up a towel from where it’s folded on the toilet seat and unfurls it, wrapping it around Yuu’s shoulders and draping it around him. The move seems to release Yuu from his paralysis and he leans forward and Ryuu’s there to catch him, sliding down to sit _seiza,_ low down on his heels, and wrap his arms around him, pulling the towel tight and warm as he holds him close. The shower beats down next to them as they sit on the floor and Yuu sobs. “Sorry…”

“No,” Ryuu says firmly, and he drags Yuu in closer, holding and rocking him. “No. _No._ I let it slide before, but you have nothing to apologize for. _Nothing._ You better be listening to me.”

Yuu’s arms are still wrapped around himself, up against Ryuu’s chest like a baby bird. “I saw—I saw…” He gasps and chokes and Ryuu holds him tighter and thinks _fuck it_ and kisses his hair. “I – the bruises…”

“I got you. I got you.” Ryuu keeps up the rocking, gentle and rhythmic. He has Yuu now and he is never, ever going to let him fall. “Take your time. Say what you gotta. Or don’t. It’s okay.”

“It’s…” Yuu’s head shakes under Ryuu’s chin. “It’s so dumb. Stupid.”

“No,” Ryuu says firmly, pulling back slightly to press his forehead against Yuu’s. “Please don’t say that. Everything you say is worth it. Nothing’s dumb. Please? Tell me? It’s not dumb, I promise.”

Yuu’s forehead slides past Ryuu’s to bury his face in Ryuu’s shoulder again. Ryuu brings a hand up to the back of his neck, stroking his hair. “I was—I saw the bruises—I’m so _broken—_ God, Ryuu, I’m such a mess, I’m such a wreck…”

Hearing Yuu insult himself is like taking repeated punches to the chest, but he’s got to be strong. He’s got to be here for Yuu. “You’re hurt, sure. That doesn’t make you broken. That makes you _hurt_.”

Yuu sobs into Ryuu’s shoulder. “No—I—I should have fought harder. I should have been stronger. I’m so weak. Look at me, broken and pathetic and helpless—”

Ryuu cuts him off. “Okay, stop right there.” There must be something in his voice, because Yuu pauses. Ryuu squeezes him as tight as he dares, which is not very tight to spare his bruises, and nuzzles his temple shamelessly before holding him out at arm’s length. “You want to know what I see when I look at you?”

Yuu’s eyes dart off to the side and he bows his head. “Look, I know I—”

“I see,” Ryuu says, staring hard at where Yuu’s eyes would be if he raised them, “the strongest person I’ve ever known.”

Yuu’s eyes flicker up, catch Ryuu’s, cling, then lower. “I didn’t do a single thing that was strong.” He shakes his head. “Just lay there and got raped. Still be lying there if you hadn’t rescued me.”

“You kept breathing,” Ryuu blurts immediately. It eases a little of the ache in his chest he’s been feeling ever since he saw Yuu lying on the floor and thought for a terrifying instant that he was dead. “You kept breathing. You stayed alive. You stayed alive for me.”

“Dragged you to hospital and—”

“You were unconscious,” Ryuu says firmly. _“I_ dragged _you_ to hospital. And you smiled, you fucking smiled, Yuu…” he chokes on his own tears, “you were kidding around and helping Suga-san feel better and you were such a fucking hero, man, Yuu, you don’t even see it, how brave you are. You’re my fucking hero, man, now more than ever.”

Yuu’s looking shyly up at him now, great hazel eyes fringed with wet black lashes. “I made you cry.”

“No, man, _no._ I’m crying because it hurts to see you _hurt.”_ He meets Yuu’s eyes and tries for a smile. “Ninnyhammer. You didn’t _make_ me cry – I’m crying because I _love_ you, dipshit.”

Their eyes lock. “So why do I feel like a piece of shit? Like it was all my fault?”

The steam is filling the bathroom, the shower pounding behind them. Ryuu inhales steam, exhales it, and blinks rapidly, his eyes never leaving his best friend’s. “Is that a rhetorical question or do you really wanna know? Because I have an answer, if you’ll listen.”

Yuu sets his jaw like he’s about to receive a blow. “Okay. Tell me what I did wrong.”

“What— _No!”_ Ryuu shakes his head frantically. “You absolute fucking idiot, way to misunderstand! I wasn’t gonna tell you about something wrong with you, that you did any—you did _nothing_ wrong. _Nothing_ wrong, you understand me?” His hands come up to cup Yuu’s shoulders, gently, because he’s still hurt. “You are _innocent_ in this. You did nothing wrong. You did everything right. Got that?”

Yuu nods hesitantly. “It’s hard to believe.”

“Yes. I know. There’s a scientific reason for that—”

“Didn’t know you knew what that word meant—”

“Lot smarter than you take me for.” Ryuu moves his hands from Yuu’s shoulders up to his cheeks, lightly cupping his bruised face. “In school, we took something that stuck with me. There’s a bit in the brain called the amygdala. Its job is to make you feel guilty when something bad happens to you. Even if it wasn’t your fault.”

Yuu has his flaws, but not listening to Ryuu has never been one of them. (Except when he doesn’t want to.) He’s silent for a long moment, clearly absorbing the information. Finally he says, “You’re kidding me.”

“Nope. Its whole job is literally to hang on to memories of pain and link them to memories of shame. I remember it because I was feeling like shit that day and the sensei was really good, she said “You ever have something bad happen to you and automatically blame yourself for it?” and I was like “hell yeah” and she said “that’s because there’s a part of the brain that links bad things happening to shame, so you’ll feel it’s your fault. Evolutionary holdover to make people feel guilty when they wandered into a saber-tooth tiger den. Not useful anymore, but still there. So you’re _literally_ hard-wired to feel like it’s your fault when something bad happens to you. Even when it wasn’t your fault.”

Yuu nods, breathing in and out. “Huh,” he says finally. “That… makes a crazy amount of sense. When did you get so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart, dipshit.” Ryuu tenderly gathers Yuu close and kisses his temple. “So it’s not your fault you were hurt,” he whispers into his hair, “ _and_ it’s not your fault you feel like it’s your fault. It’s just our dumb human brain.”

Yuu melts into Ryuu’s hold suddenly like a puppet with the strings cut. “How do I get rid of it, Ryuu?” he asks, voice thin and childlike. “It’s… Every time I look at myself and see the marks, I think, if I’d been bigger, if I’d been better, if I’d been stronger. If I hadn’t let him.”

Ryuu rocks him, thinking furiously. _For once in your life, Tanaka, come up with something brilliant to say!_ This is like the most important exam he’s ever taken in his life, and he didn’t even have the chance to cram for it. Noya’s still breathing softly in his arms. Ryuu strokes his hair. “How would you feel if it was me?” Ryuu blurts. _Thank you, Mouth, for coming up with something while Brain is asleep on the job._

Yuu stiffens in his hold. “What?”

Ryuu breathes in deep. “Hey. Wanna give you an example. Can you do something for me?”

A laugh, barely a breath. “I don’t know what I’m good for in this—”

“Hey. Shuddup. Amygdala, remember?” Ryuu waits for the nod. “Work with me here. You gonna work with me?”

He waits. Yuu is the bravest person he knows. Eventually, there’s a slow nod.

“Okay. I want you to imagine – like, really work hard and imagine – that instead of you, it was me.”

Immediately, Yuu shakes his head. “No, I don’t…”

“Please.” Ryuu pulls back a fraction, enough to gaze into Yuu’s eyes through the steam. “Please, Yuu, you gonna trust me?” He thinks of emotionally blackmailing him, saying _I know I’m not that trustworthy on a good day_ or _I know you think I’m dumb_ or something that will get Yuu to immediately give in… but fuck it, he can’t do that to Yuu, not now and not today and not for something this important. Instead, he pleads. “I’m getting to something here. Something I—a point I’m trying to make. Work with me here? Please?”

He waits for the nod. “Okay.”

“Okay.” His clothes are getting damp from the steam: he ignores it. Probably relaxing for Yuu to be having a steam bath. “Listen. Just. Try, I know it’s hard but just try. The bruises on you. Imagine them on me. Imagine some guy…” Yuu winces and Ryuu gathers him in again, whispering the rest into his ear, “imagine some guy, built like a Sumo wrestler. Someone with like 150 kilos on me. Knocked me to the ground. Held me down, beat on me.”

“I’d kill ‘em,” Yuu whispers into his shoulder.

Ryuu can’t help a soft chuckle. He strokes Yuu’s now-damp hair. “I know you would. But if you weren’t there. I want you to imagine – like, really imagine, take a minute and see it, okay? Imagine that guy tore _my_ ass open, shoved his filthy dick in _me._ Hurt me, choked me hard enough to make my neck swell up and—”

 _“Ryuu.”_ There’s more pain in Yuu’s voice than there’s been all evening.

“Okay. Okay. Thanks for doing that. Would you think it was my fault?”

“Hell! C’mon, Ryuu…”

“Would you call me weak? Would you say ‘You’re so helpless, Ryuu, you shoulda fought him off’ or something?”

“I know what you’re getting at.” Yuu shakes his head. “I just…”

“You didn’t answer me. If it was me in the emergency room? Would you say I put myself there?”

 _“No,_ dumbass. Of course I wouldn’t—”

“I know it’s hard.” Ryuu presses his cheek against Yuu’s temple. “It’s the damned amygdala telling you it’s your fault. Hard-wired, remember? But I know you. You never give up. You can fight it. Each time you think stuff like it’s your doing or you weren’t strong enough, or, or he broke you or some shit? When you’re thinking you should have done this or the other thing, please, _please,_ Yuu, I’m begging you, will you _try_ and imagine it was me? How you’d feel if it happened to me?”

There’s a long, long silence. Yuu’s chest rises and falls against Ryuu’s. Then Yuu’s arms come up around Ryuu, tight and fierce, hands splayed over Ryuu’s back, pulling him in protectively. “I’d _kill_ anyone who – who _tried_ to do that to you.” His tone subsides sadly. “But you’re stronger than me… you wouldn’t let…”

“Hey, now, none of that ‘let’ crap. Sumo wrestler, remember? You think I’d be able to hold my own against a Sumo wrestler?”

“No, but—”

“Would I be ‘letting him’ rape me?”

Yuu’s arms tighten around Ryuu. “No.” But then he sighs. “I just…”

“It’s hard.” Ryuu rocks him. “I know. It’s hard. It feels like you’re, I don’t know, making excuses or some shit. Just remember the hard-wired thing, and keep imagining it was me, okay?”

“I can’t imagine it was you.” Yuu pulls away and meets Ryuu’s eyes. “I’d… I’d…”

Ryuu gives him a fractured smile. “Kill the bastard? Smash something? Destroy the world?”

Yuu gives another breath of laughter. “Yeah, pretty much.” He clasps Ryuu’s upper arms. “I’m so glad it wasn’t you.”

“And I’d give anything for it to have been me instead of you,” Ryuu blurts. Yuu’s eyes open wide and soft. He flounders for a second, then adds, “Cretin.”

Still with that same soft gaze, Yuu retorts, “Mumpsimus.”

“Oh, that’s a good one.” Ryuu smiles. “Still want me to wash your back?”

“Yeah,” Yuu responds, never lowering his gaze. “I could use the help.”

Ryuu swallows hard. “Okay.”

They get through the shower matter-of-factly, like they do with most practical tasks – Ryuu washes Yuu’s hair and massages his scalp while Yuu makes obscene sounds of pleasure and mock-commands him to be a good body slave or he’ll sell him at market at the next new moon, and gently, gently passes the sponge over his battered shoulders and back, leaving the more intimate washing to Yuu and trusting he’ll let him know if he needs help keeping his balance. “You know,” Yuu says into the steam and water, “I thought I’d wash for a hundred years and never get clean. But with you here… I feel clean.”

Ryuu chokes back his _you’re gonna make me cry, dude._ “That’s because you _are_ clean,” he says. “That bastard is the dirty one. You’re…” he pauses, not because he can’t remember the word but because it feels momentous. “What’s the word?” he says to buy time. “Unsullied.”

Noya sighs. “I kinda don’t feel that way.”

“Not yet. –You okay with me turning off the shower?—Okay, good— You will.” Ryuu snags a fresh big, dry towel and wraps it around Yuu’s shoulders. “You’re gonna. I promise you that. Give it time. It’ll get better. It’s only been what, a few hours? Still time for you to be weeping and wailing and grieving and mourning…” He pretends to look closely at Yuu. “Hey, why aren’t you weeping and wailing?”

Yuu giggles. His eyes are bright, and _his,_ and he _giggles._ “Because you’re here, stupid.”

He lunges forward into another hug, the towel falling to the bathroom floor, and Ryuu meets him halfway. They stay there for a long time, rocking, taking comfort in each other. “I love you,” Ryuu whispers. “No bullshit, man, legit. I love you.”

“ _I’m_ the one who loves _you_ ,” Yuu mutters.

“Quit stealing my thunder. I said it first. I’m the one who loves you.”

Yuu’s chuckle into his shoulder is music to his ears. “One-upmanship isn’t a good look on you.”

The bathroom’s small enough that Ryuu can snag the third clean towel from where it’s hanging on the door. “I wanna get your hair dry,” he says, fitting actions to words and patting and squeezing handfuls of Yuu’s mostly-dry hair. “Since,” he can’t resist interjecting, “ _I’m_ the one who loves _you_ and all.”

“I’d be dead without you.” Yuu’s tone is dead serious.

“I don’t want you standing here on the floor too long,” Ryuu blurts like that’s any kind of response. “Can we take this into the bedroom?”

“I’m starting to think your intentions aren’t pure,” Yuu says out of habit, but he’s drooping.

Ryuu leads him into the bedroom, somehow keeping him wrapped in the towel, and rushes back to snag the clothes from where he dropped them by the bathroom floor. “Body slave reporting for service, Your Majesty.” He bows. “Here…” He kneels and holds out the boxers to Yuu to step into, letting him bend and pull them up, and following up with the sweatpants. He executes another deep bow as he gives him the tee and shirt, letting Yuu put them on himself. He wants to stay close, he _really_ wants to stay close, he just doesn’t want to crowd Yuu, he’s been unspeakably violated, and maybe he needs—

“You okay with staying?” Yuu says, holding out both his arms, and damn, it’s that simple. Maybe it’s always been that simple.

“Just let me get the light.” Ryuu turns out the light, leaving only the bedside lamp. He thinks about plugging in their phones, and thinks, _fuck it._ Yuu’s still standing by the side of the bed. How would they do this if things were okay? Probably fight over who got to be on the outside. Right, then. “I’m gonna let you have the outside,” Ryuu flings back the covers and crawls into bed, making a show of snuggling into the pillows, “because you are a poor helpless invalid.”

“Poor helpless invalid? I’ll show you who’s a poor helpless invalid.” And _oh—_ there it is, the Noya-grin, blinding and brilliant and it strikes through Ryuu like an electric current. Still grinning, Yuu slips into bed next to Ryuu and reaches out to turn off the bedside lamp. Then he unashamedly snuggles into Ryuu.

The warmth of Yuu’s fragile body both breaks and heals something in Ryuu, and it’s like his soul is being unmade and remade wrapped around his friend. They’re facing each other, Yuu’s head pillowed on Ryuu’s arm, his other arm sandwiched between them, their arms draped over each other’s bodies, and it’s heaven. No—heaven has _nothing_ on this. Ryuu holds Yuu close and rubs his back. He opens his mouth to make a joke, and what comes out is, “I love you, man.”

“I thought we ‘sstablished that I was the one who luh…” Yuu’s fading out, the day and the drugs and the sleepless night finally pulling him under. Ryuu rests, Yuu safe and close in his arms where he should be. Where he fucking belongs. With people who love him. Like the other idiot Asahi-san, like Suga-san, Daichi-san even. Everyone who sees that Nishinoya Yuu is a precious, precious treasure that is worth everything wonderful that has ever been created.

He lets himself feel the comfort and gladness of cradling Yuu safely and lovingly in his arms until he, too, falls into a deep sleep.

* * *

Ryuu’s suddenly awake. No sleepy in-between. He was asleep, then he isn’t, Yuu shuddering in his arms in the throes of a silent nightmare. Ryuu tightens his hold without conscious thought. The smaller body is bowstring-taut, a bundle of tension in Ryuu’s arms. “Hey,” he whispers softly, holding him close to his chest and rocking him soft and warm. He pulls Yuu’s head into the crook of his neck, pressing their cheeks together to whisper in his ear. “Hey. It’s a dream. I’m here. You’re safe, Noyassan. Come on, Yuu. _Hey.”_

With a shudder and a start, Yuu’s awake. “Huh.” He blinks, then smiles. It’s not the 1000-megawatt Noya-grin, but it’s real. “Oh, that’s a relief. Thanks.”

Ryuu doesn’t ask him what he was dreaming about, because it’s already painfully obvious. He holds him tight for a few more seconds, then slides backward a fraction so he can see Yuu’s face. “Morning. How you feeling?”

It warms his heart that Yuu takes a moment to think about the question. He meets Ryuu’s eyes and smiles softly. “Better.”

“You don’t have to,” Ryuu interrupts him. “Say it. If you don’t feel it, I mean. This shit’s one step forward, two steps back.”

He knows it was the right thing to say when he feels the residual tension drain out of the small body in his arms. “I guess so,” Yuu frowns. “I just want to be _done_ with it already.” He rolls his eyes. “It’s not like it’s even the first time he… you know. I should be used to it by now.”

Ryuu’s heart thuds down to his ankles, every fear he’s ever had, every time Yuu insisted it was consensual, every time he saw him hurt, suddenly surging up in his throat and stopping his breath. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t say ‘I knew it’, or ‘I could tell.’ He isn’t the focus of this. He never was. “You broke up with him,” he manages to choke out. “You respected yourself that much.”

Yuu snorts and shakes his head. “Yeah.” His eyes meet Ryuu’s. “Thanks to who?”

“Thanks to _you,”_ Ryuu says firmly. “You _did_ it. I’m just the cheering section.”

“You showed me what love meant, Ryuu.” Intense hazel eyes are fixed on his. “That’s the only reason I was able to leave him. You care for _me._ You want _me_ to be okay. For all Shin blamed me… the only one he ever cared about was himself.”

Ryuu swallows. “I’m so fucking proud you can recognize that. You get to be proud of yourself, too.”

Yuu sighs and blinks. “Kinda don’t feel it right now…” Ryuu clears his throat. “I know, I know. The brain thing, right?”

“Amygdala.” Ryuu grins, preening. “You _do_ listen to me!”

Yuu’s eyes meet his. “Always.”

Ryuu has to look down against the sudden burn in his eyes. “You’re gonna make me cry, dude.”

“I need to pee,” Yuu announces, scooting backward off the bed.

“Wait!” Ryuu yells.

Yuu stops and stares, grinning incredulously. “Okay, I’ll bite. What is your concern about me peeing?”

“Not peeing,” Ryuu blurts. “Crapping.”

_“Huh?”_

“Look.” Ryuu looks down. It’s not the most comfortable thing to say, but, _hell._ Yuu’s been this brave. It’s the least he can do. “Suga-san gave me a cream.” Damn, damn, damn. He meets Yuu’s eyes: the only way out is through. “Your ass is all torn up. Chances are it’ll hurt like a motherfucker to take a crap.” He can’t quite maintain the eye contact. “Suga-san gave me a cream to use before. Get it as far up yourself as you can. It numbs – uh, it’s a numbing cream. There could be stabbing pain. Really bad. He said. He’s the expert. I don’t want you hurting and maybe even flashbacking and shit, okay?”

Yuu stares at him for a long moment. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”

“Yeah, well.” Ryuu scowls as firmly as he can. “When you get the urge, a couple minutes before, use the damn cream, okay?” He sighs. “You’d want me to use it if it was me.”

Yuu flinches. “Okay…”

Ryuu rolls off the bed. “Hang on, I’ll grab it.” He darts into the living room and retrieves the tube from his bag. “Here.” When he’s at the bedroom door, he tosses it in a slow arc to Yuu, who plucks it out of the air neatly. “I’ll fix some rice and miso for breakfast and then you can take the rest of the meds, okay?”

Yuu looks from the tube of cream in his hand to Ryuu’s face, then back again. “Okay,” he says, a little numbly. Then he disappears into the bathroom.

* * *

At the last minute, Ryuu serves breakfast on the coffee table, figuring the futon will probably be more comfortable than a hard chair. _The seats at the theater are padded,_ he thinks. He still remembers what Suga-san told him last night when he took him aside. _Badly torn._ His stomach roils. _Soft tissue heals fast, but you’ll need to be careful. I’ve told him all this, but I figured the way Noyassan pushes himself, a second pair of eyes couldn’t hurt._

The miso and rice are ready – thank you, fancy rice maker – by the time Yuu comes out of the bathroom. His face isn’t drawn or pained, and Ryuu feels a tension drain away that he didn’t even know was there. “Breakfast is served, your majesty.”

“I should get raped more often,” Yuu grins, lowering himself carefully onto the couch. Ryuu chokes, but swallows it down. This is Yuu’s to handle as he wants. If he wants to desensitize himself to it, saying it out loud till it loses its power to hurt, Ryuu will follow his lead. He’s here to _support_ Yuu, not to give his own feelings priority.

He must have been silent too long, because Yuu looks up, eyes narrowed. “Did that make you uncomfortable?”

Ryuu swallows. “It makes me uncomfortable that you were _hurt._ Not that you _talked_ about it.” The last thing he’s going to do is make Yuu ashamed.

“I figure if I say it often enough, it won’t bother me anymore,” Yuu mutters, shoveling in a healthy mouthful of miso and rice. “But I don’t wanna bother other people.”

“If they’re bothered,” Ryuu says, serving himself a portion, “it’s their problem. You get to do whatever the hell you want.”

Yuu’s silent for a moment, digesting in more ways than one. Finally he gestures to the food. “This is aweshome, Ryuu. Shanksh.”

“It’s good to see you eating,” Ryuu says in all honesty, hoping it’s not the wrong thing to say. He settles in on the couch and eats too.

* * *

When the dishes are cleaned up – Ryuu insists on giving his “poor injured invalid friend” (his words) “the royal treatment” (Yuu’s words) and seeing to the cleanup himself – he heads back into the living room. “You want to go collect your stuff from that house?” he asks point-blank. No point putting it off. “We can take the essentials now and the rest in another trip if it won’t all fit.”

Yuu folds his arms over his chest. “Not today, Ryuu. Not right now, anyway. I don’t…” He shakes his head. “I’ll do it in a couple days, I promise. I just don’t feel like hauling crap right now.”

“Okay,” Ryuu agrees easily, moving over to a chair and sitting down so he’s not standing there like some kind of life coach. “Whatever’s easier for you.” He pauses to think. Yesterday, when he scooped Yuu out of the disaster area that had been his living room, were his keys in his pocket? Or had they fallen out during the assault? “You still have your key to this place, or you want the spare?”

“I don’t have any of my keys,” Yuu shrugs, his arms still around himself. “When you give me the spare, give me the key to my place as well.”

That gives Ryuu pause. He looks up at Yuu, hard. “What? What for?”

Yuu stares. “It’s _my place,_ Ryuu.”

“It’s the place where you were... where he…” Ryuu shakes his head. The miso and rice are suddenly _there,_ too heavy in his stomach like a rock. “Why would you _ever_ want to set foot in that shithole again? It…” He has to swallow. The thought of his friend’s body, blood splatters all over, pants pulled down, exposed like a piece of meat, makes his breakfast surge up in his gullet. “Man,” he snaps, “ _I_ feel sick just thinking about it! The only reason you should want to go over there is to collect your stuff and _go!”_

“I need to be able to walk in there without fear.”

“Fear’s _logical_ after what _happened_ to you there!” Ryuu can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You do _not_ want to set foot in there ever again!”

Cold flashes across Yuu’s eyes. “Don’t tell me what I want.”

Ryuu raises his hands in a ‘no harm’ gesture. “Sorry. I don’t mean it like that. But Yuu…” he pauses. “It’s not safe.”

“Are you gonna withhold the key from me?” Yuu asks quietly.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. “Of course I’m not gonna _withhold_ anything. You’re an adult. What happened doesn’t change that.” He gets right up and goes to his keyring, taking out the key to Yuu’s and the one to his apartment as well – he can get himself the spare later. “Here.” He lays them both gently on the table. “But Yuu, _please._ It really isn’t safe. You could,” he manages to force out, “get attacked again.”

“I’ll have Asahi-san with me,” Yuu says. “If I do go back.”

“You know you can bring him back here, right?” Ryuu asks in a rush. “You don’t have to go anywhere near there again. I’m gonna be at practice anyway. You’ll have the place all to yourselves.”

“I know,” Yuu says, and his eyes come up to meet Ryuu’s. “And maybe it’s dumb, okay, but I just don’t wanna feel scared to walk into my own—the place that’s been my home for a year. I’ll have Asahi-san with me. I promise not to go there alone.” He pauses a moment to let that sink in. “Maybe it’s stupid, but I need to do this. I won’t be alone, I promise, Ryuu, I swear. Okay?”

“Of course, okay,” Ryuu responds. “You don’t need my permission for anything. I just want you to stay safe, okay? Like you’d want me to do in your shoes.”

“I know. Thanks.” A ghost of a smile plays around Yuu’s mouth. “You wouldn’t fit in my shoes.”

“That is a falsehood,” Ryuu intones, straightening. “I wore your sneakers last month.”

“And stretched them out so much I told you to keep them.”

“Details, details.” Ryuu flaps a hand. He still thinks it stinks for Yuu to go back to the place where he was raped, but hell, he’s an adult, and Ryuu’s not his keeper, and he’d never dream of taking away his autonomy. It’s just a sucky idea, that’s all. “What do you feel like doing until movie time?”

“I thought…” There’s that reticent look again, like asking permission that might be denied. “If I could watch the first two movies in the trilogy? That way it’ll be more fun to take in the third.”

“Sure!” Ugh, he’s responded like someone giving permission. Yuu doesn’t need to ask permission: this is his _home._ “I can set up. You okay with hooking up the laptop to the TV?”

Yuu nods. “Yeah, good.”

“And maybe… hold on a minute…” Ryuu goes to the bedroom and retrieves a couple of pillows, tucking them into the arm of the futon. “It might be a good idea for you to lie on your side, or your face – just lie down, really. Less strain on your sphincter muscle than if you’re sitting straight up like that.”

Yuu makes a face. “Can we stop talking about my ass?”

“When your precious ass is all healed up,” Ryuu declares, fumbling with cables, “you will never hear a peep from me below the belt again. Until then? Live with it.” He plugs the audio and video in. “Get horizontal.”

Yuu looks at him like maybe he’s going to say something about his autonomy again, and Ryuu holds his breath because he’s really not sure what kind of response he’s going to make if Yuu insists on damaging his own health. But thank goodness, he settles down onto his side, wrestling the pillows into shape. Ryuu is careful not to let the relieved slump of his shoulders show as he cues the movie up, grabs an afghan and settles onto the couch at Yuu’s feet. “Go?” he asks. Yuu nods. He gets the movie going and hands Yuu the TV remote.

They watch in silence for a while. Yuu’s gentle smile is a balm to Ryuu’s soul. He feels like he could watch him smile forever. Gently, giving him time to change his mind, he lifts his ankles one after the other to settle Yuu’s feet in his lap. He curls up with the afghan and the pair of warm feet and leans his head back against the futon just for a moment to rest his eyes.

* * *

That worked out well. He slept like the dead, of course. When he wakes, the movie’s past the halfway mark and Yuu’s sleeping as well. It looks like restful sleep without nightmares, so Ryuu lets him be. The noise in the background is probably helping keep the demons at bay. He turns it down so it’s just a background murmur and cradles his best friend’s feet in their too-big socks, not massaging so as not to wake him up. God, he could watch Yuu at peace all fucking day. His heart aches just knowing Yuu’s here with him, being taken care of and _safe._

He leans over to cover him up with the afghan. Yuu startles awake, eyes flying open. “Huh!”

“I’m sorry!” Ryuu yells. “I was just…” He waves the afghan stupidly. “I didn’t mean to startle you, honest!”

“Ugh!” Yuu turns away and buries his face into the pillow, grimacing. “It’s not your fault I’m fucking jumping at shadows!”

Ryuu explodes. “After what happened, you think you don’t have the _right?!”_ he roars.

He sees the moment his raised voice hits Yuu, like a blow. He tenses, his eyes widening and his pupils contracting. Then goes limp all at once. “Sorry. You’re right.”

“No! Nononononono…” Ryuu backs all the way away to the end of the futon. “I didn’t mean to—I don’t—Shit, Yuu! Shit!” He can’t help pounding a fist against the cushions. “I should have killed him. I should have _fucking killed him…”_ He inhales deeply, chancing a glance out of the corner of his eye at Yuu. He’s backed up all the way against the arm of the futon, eyes still wide, frozen like a bird transfixed by a snake. “Yuu?” He deliberately relaxes his shoulders, takes a deep breath, lets himself slump. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” It’s driven home to him just how much damage has been done, that the rape was only the culmination of a year of horror he should have known better than to let happen, _he should have known better…_

He takes a few shallow breaths through his nose. _Get a grip, get a grip,_ he admonishes himself. _He needs you._ Out loud he says, “I guess yelling and threats aren’t high on the Favorite Things list, huh.” It comes out shaky, but he manages a forced smile as he says it.

Yuu’s chest is also rising and falling rapidly. “Gonna be a while, yeah,” he says. “Sorry.” He offers a lopsided grin. “Yelling kinda sets me off, I guess. That was usually when I’d get hit.”

Ryuu’s eyes burn suddenly and he’s ashamed. He wasn’t even the one who got hit, why is _he_ reacting this way? Shit, he loves Yuu, he fucking _adores_ him—He slides forward onto his knees off the couch onto the floor, and shuffles over to hug Yuu around his middle. “I’m so sorry,” he mutters into the afghan, or maybe it’s Yuu’s shirt. “I should have been a better friend.”

“Should have been a better _idiot.”_ Ryuu can feel Yuu’s hands on his head, playfully brushing at the stubbly hair on his scalp. Then the hands come down to his shoulders. “I couldn’t ask for a better friend. Imbecile.”

“Cretin,” Ryuu mutters, but his heart isn’t in it. He sits there enjoying the embrace for a few moments. He even lets Yuu rub his shoulders and back, soaking in the comfort from the guy who was in the hospital just because he, without a scratch on him, can’t control his emotions. Which reminds him… “Suga-san gave you the names of counselors, yeah? You—” Ryuu swallows his controlling language. “I think it would be a good idea to see one.”

The hands rubbing his shoulders still. “I’d much rather talk to you.”

“I’m gonna be around. I’m just, uh, I don’t have the training. To help.”

If Yuu wasn’t in his arms, Ryuu wouldn’t have felt the fine tremor that took him briefly. He instantly shuffles up from the floor and settles himself on the futon with one leg behind Yuu’s back and one leg hanging off the front, knee against the coffee table. This way, he can press close to Yuu and put both arms around him again. “I don’t want to be alone with strangers again talking about it.” Yuu’s voice is very small. “That happened before and if—okay, when—I press charges it’s gonna happen again, and… just being alone in a room with some stranger and…”

Yuu trails off. Within the circle of his arms, Ryuu can feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He pulls him closer, resting his forehead on Yuu’s shoulder, and it comes naturally. “Look. I don’t have the training.” Yuu tenses more. “If you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t let me set it.” Feeling the tension in Yuu, Ryuu blurts, “But you’d let me be with you as they set it. So I’ll come with you. To therapy. I’ll be with you all the time. Okay?”

Yuu stills. Slowly, he inhales, then exhales. “They—what if they don’t let you?”

“Screw ‘em,” Ryuu says easily. Defending Nishinoya Yuu against anyone or anything that might harm him? He failed at it once; he won’t fail again. “It’s supposed to be all about you, right? What you need, your well-being? If they won’t let a bro come in with you, then it just means they’re not the right therapist for you. It’s like a filter test. Uh, that paper. Filter paper? The one they use for acid and alkaline?”

“Oh yeah, I know the one,” Yuu nods. “We studied it in school. A uh… that’s what it’s called, right? A filter test.”

Ryuu nods sagely. “I’m… it’s a package deal. I’m gonna be with you.”

“Are—are you sure?”

“Never been more sure of anything in my life. All the time. Right here. Holding you like this if you want.”

“Yeah?”

The vulnerability of Yuu’s voice is a gift. Ryuu cradles it in his hands and vows to be worthy of it. “You can bet your life on it.”

Yuu relaxes into Ryuu’s hold, breathing easier. “I… That means… I really appreciate it, man.” It’s sincere. “Thanks.”

The solidity, the warmth, of Yuu’s shoulder firmly pressed against Ryuu’s forehead gives him strength. He knows he’s going to have moments of weakness – nature of the beast, and all that – but in this moment, his best friend in his arms, Ryuu can stand strong. “Yuu,” he murmurs. “This sucks, okay? It sucks ass, you don’t need me to tell you that. But you’re not _alone,_ okay? We’re with you. Not just me, Suga-san and Asahi-san and Daichi-san, we’re all with you, we’ve got your back. And you don’t have to walk a…” Oh god, he sounds sappy “…a step of the way on your own, okay? I know it sucks, but we can suck _together.”_ He grins at his deliberate mistake. “That didn’t come out right.”

Yuu giggles softly, and it’s not _carefree,_ and it’s not _young,_ and it’s not _innocent,_ it’s not _any_ of those things, not entirely, but he leans his head against Ryuu’s, and it’s a huff of soft breath that carries the shade of all those things and more because it’s _genuine_. “We can suck together,” he repeats. “When I’m feeling a hundred percent, I am never letting you live that down.”

Ryuu rolls his forehead back and forth on Yuu’s shoulder, embracing him as tightly as he can without aggravating his injuries. “I’m holding you to that, dude.”

* * *

Ryuu doesn’t leave Yuu’s side after that. Call him childish, call him dumb, but he’s _aching_ to be close to him. He slides down into the warm space between Yuu’s back and the couch, asking about a hundred times “Is it okay having someone behind you? I get it if it’s scary, you were, I mean, I’m not gonna like take offense or anything…”

Yuu shuts him up by fumbling behind him for Ryuu’s arm and pulling it around him. “You’re fine, dork,” he says, a smile in his voice. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, it means a lot that you’re thinking about that, but…” He huffs a brief laugh and shakes his head. “I don’t know, I can’t explain it, man. I think my _bones_ know not to be scared of _you._ You just stay right where you are. _”_

Ryuu buries his face in Yuu’s back, squeezing his eyes shut and being thankful. “The movie’s like half-gone,” he says, a little muffled by the sweatshirt. “You wanna go back?”

“Go back?” Yuu’s tone is strangely pensive.

“And start again.” Why does Ryuu feel they’re talking about more than just the movie? “Play it from the start, I mean.”

“You can’t go back,” Yuu says slowly. “You can only go forward.”

“That’s true,” Ryuu says, “but the remote’s in your hand. You can go over the parts you missed.”

“Yeah…”

“I know life’s not like a movie, but in some ways… Look, like this film, right? You’re gonna have to go back and redo. Rewatch. Sure it’s not the same as seeing it for the first time. But maybe you’ll pick up new stuff, right? Because you uh… watched it before. Experience, I mean,” he blurts, sick of the metaphor. “You can’t go back. You can go forward. But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You can make up what you missed. Get it from someplace else.”

He feels Yuu’s chest rise and fall beneath his arm. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“So, rewind? Catch the part we slept through?”

“Even if it’s not the same?” Yuu says in a light tone that’s not quite joking.

“Up to you,” Ryuu says carefully, “but yeah, even if it’s not the same. This way we can make up what we missed together.”

Yuu hesitates a moment, then skips the movie back to where they left off.

They snuggle into each other, Ryuu still tucked in between Yuu and the back of the futon. “Can you see this way?” Yuu asks.

“Yeah—let me get up a bit more…” Ryuu hitches himself up slightly on the pillows. He isn’t that into the movie – in fact he thinks he might fall asleep again given half a chance, as warm and secure as he feels right now – but it feels right to be watching together, not just pretending to watch. He doesn’t want to lie to Yuu, even over something as trivial as his view of the screen. He doesn’t want to mess up like he messed up this morning. “Hey… Yuu?”

Yuu pauses, just about to thumb the remote. “Yeah?”

“I…” He’s hyper-aware of his arm around Yuu, of the closeness his friend is permitting. “It’s gonna be…”

“Okay?”

“No! Yes, I mean yeah, it is. But that’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say, it’s gonna suck. There’s gonna be hard times. And sometimes I’m gonna say the wrong thing, like I said earlier. About the keys.”

“The what?”

“Uh...” Ryuu weighs the merits of dredging that up again, and decides against it. “The point is. I’m gonna act like a bossy asshole sometimes, and I want you to call me out on it, okay?”

“I know you’re worried, Ryuu…”

“No, listen. _Listen._ I want to be _with_ you while you’re, you know, recovering from this. I want…” Ryuu’s throat is thick. “I want you to let me stand by you. And I don’t want some dumb thing I say or do to drive you away.” Hot tears well up in his eyes and he blinks them into submission – Yuu can’t see them, so it’s all good. “Please let me stick around. If I say dumb shit, call me on it. Just don’t tell me to go.”

“Ryuu…”

But now he’s started, he can’t stop. “I know I can be bossier than Neesan in one of her moods, but I never mean to take away your control. I respect you. I don’t think you’re… I think you’re…”

“Ryuu…”

“You’re my _friend_. I still think you’re awesome – nothing’s changed, not because of… you gotta believe that. Don’t be mad if I slip and sound like I’m trying to control you, I don’t mean it. I never mean it. Yuu… please let me be there, please don’t go it alone. I – this sounds like drama, but I legit feel I’ll die, or I don’t know, explode or something, if I can’t be there for you. I…”

_“Ryuu!”_

Ryuu swallows. Shit. His cheeks are wet, and Yuu’s half-turned to lie on his back so he can see Ryuu’s face. “Don’t strain yourself. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be breaking down…”

“Hey,” Yuu whispers with the ghost of a smile, his too-sharp eyes taking in Ryuu’s tears. “Ryuu. It’s okay.” Their arms are still awkwardly entangled. He wraps his hand around Ryuu’s closed fist, clenched over Yuu’s heart, and squeezes it. “This has been hard on you too.”

“No it hasn’t.” Ryuu shakes his head as much as he can against the pillow. “I”m not the one who had to be taken to hospital.”

“No,” Yuu says softly, “you’re the one who took me there. And carried me. You think I don’t know what that did to you?” He uses his other hand to unfold Ryuu’s fist, then places Ryuu’s hand flat over his heart. Then he flattens his own smaller hand over it, letting his heartbeat resonate through both their palms. “You’re the reason,” he deliberately takes a deep breath so that Ryuu can feel and hear it, “I’m still breathing.”

“I don’t want to be,” Ryuu says, shaking his head again. “I wish it had never happened.”

“So do I, numbskull, but don’t you get me? I could never push you away. I need you.”

Ryuu draws in a shaky breath and forces himself to tell the truth. “No, you don’t. You—I know you. You’re strong enough to get through this yourself. You don’t need anyone. Sure, it’s good to have friends, but you don’t _need_ anyone. You’re… you’re _Noyassan!_ Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!”

“Well,” Yuu responds, still holding their hands together, “what’s a superhero without a trusty sidekick?”

 _“Sidekick?!”_ Mock-offended, Ryuu lets his eyes widen. “I’m wounded, man.” He blinks the tears away. “No, listen, seriously. What I mean to say, Yuu, is you have it all in you. You don’t…” He sighs. “No matter what anyone made you believe, you’re strong all on your own.”

“I want you with me,” Yuu says simply.

Ryuu moves his hand slightly to rub the heel of his hand over Yuu’s solar plexus. “There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

Yuu makes a little sound of bliss and relaxes into the cushions. “I’d never, what was it you said? Make you go away. That’s just dumb.”

“I can be controlling,” Ryuu confesses. “I need you to call me out on it.”

“Okay, I will. But _Ryuu,”_ Yuu meets his eyes, then lowers them, “I couldn’t send you away. That would be like cutting out my own heart.” Fierce hazel eyes come up to meet his. “Do you understand me?”

Ryuu feels his shoulders slump with relief. “Yeah… yes. Okay. Thanks.”

“After all, you have your uses,” Yuu says airily. “You do make a good body slave.”

Ryuu massages Yuu’s solar plexus, slow and steady. “Well, your body slave is telling you to start the movie, or we won’t have time to watch the second one.”

Yuu turns back to the television, thumbing the remote with his left hand. His right is still settled on Ryuu’s hand, both of them linked over his heart.

* * *

The end credits for the first movie roll, and Ryuu’s surprised at how much it managed to distract him. It helps that he’s got Yuu safe and close, that he can tell by his even breathing and occasional comments that he’s as okay as he can be and not in pain. It turns off the part of his brain that’s still ragged and empty, like stepping off a cliff in pitch-darkness, that he can’t help feeling whenever he remembers walking into that house and seeing Yuu lying there, bloodied, pants shoved down to his ankles, unmoving… He shudders. “You okay?” Yuu asks him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Ryuu takes a deep breath.

“You were shaking.”

“I’m fine.” He’s _fine._ What’s he doing falling apart? Leaning on _Yuu_ for help? The guy who was, y’know, _actually fucking assaulted?_

“Liar,” says Yuu smoothly. “No bullshit means no bullshit for both of us, okay?”

Cornered, Ryuu exhales. “Just… had a moment.”

“Tell me.”

He swallows. Honesty is the least he owes Yuu. “Finding you.”

Under their linked arms, Yuu’s chest rises and falls. “Thank god, I was unconscious for most of it.” Ryuu shudders again. “You really had that worse, Ryuu. I know how I’d feel if I uh… if I was in your place.” 

“No, you… I…” Ryuu shakes his head. “You’re the best person I fucking know, Noyassan,” he says formally. “You’re - going through _this_ , and you’re worried about _me?”_

“Can’t have my rock crumbling,” Yuu says lightly, squeezing Ryuu’s hand. “I need you, man.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Not if you snap and get carted off to the funny farm.” The words are teasing, but they have an edge to them.

Ryuu has to take another steadying breath. “Okay. Okay, no bullshit. But I’m really fine as long as I know you’re safe, I promise. Just had a moment.”

There’s a long beat of silence. Yuu squeezes Ryuu’s hand. “I promise to stay safe,” he vows. Ryuu can’t help the way he slumps a little at that. “Are you going to feed us? I’d pay, but I don’t have my wallet.”

“Oh, shit!” Ryuu carefully scrambles up from between Yuu and the couch. “I’ve got a spare wallet I can lend you. For the keys. And uh...” He stands, about to go to his closet to get it. “And I’ll give you some cash till you can get uh, your cards and stuff back...” Drat, Yuu’s going to have to go back to that house, whether Ryuu wants it or not: his wallet and his ID and bank cards and everything are probably still scattered all over the floor. 

He buries himself in the closet and busies himself with taking out the wallet so as not to start shaking again. “What about your phone?” he says as he shuts the closet door. “Here,” he waves it, although Yuu still can’t see it, “one brand new wallet. Never used. So, your phone still, uh, back there, I guess?” He checks through the wallet: yep, brand new, nothing inside. He realizes he hasn’t heard an answer. “Yuu? Your phone’s still back there, right?”

Still silence. Ryuu comes out of the bedroom door and stills. _Shit._ Yuu’s frozen on the couch, eyes wide, hands drawn up to his chest. “Uhh…”

“Shit! What is it?” Ryuu darts to his side, tossing the wallet onto the table, and drops to his knees by the futon. “I’m here, man.” He reaches for Yuu’s freezing hands and enfolds them in his own. “I’m here. What is it?”

“I’d forgotten,” Yuu whispers, inhaling and exhaling rapidly. “I just remembered now.”

“Shh-shh-shh.” Ryuu rubs his hands, unsure whether or not to pull him into a hug. Should he speak, or stay silent? “I’m here. I’m here.”

“He broke my phone,” Yuu whispers in horror, as if _that_ was the greatest violation he suffered that night. “He broke my phone! He broke—” He chokes, shuddering.

“Okay. Okay.” Ryuu nods. “I’m here. You—you wanna talk, you wanna not talk, you…” What the fuck can he do to make this better? Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—

“The phone, I’d forgotten, I forgot all about that.” Yuu’s eyes are wide, but he’s lucid, although his chest is still rising and falling rapidly. “He—he—oh god, Ryuu, I remember.” Yuu reaches out and Ryuu embraces him gladly, gathering him in and stroking his hair. “He smashed my phone,” he whispers into Ryuu’s cheek. His hands are alternating between clutching fistfuls of Ryuu’s shirt and fluttering wildly as he speaks. “He just took it in his hand and said that I—I shouldn’t have a phone,” a shudder takes him, “so I wouldn’t be able to call you, or— or any of—of the man-whores I cheated around with.” Yuu’s head shakes against Ryuu’s shoulder. “He—he lifted it up high and smashed it against the kitchen counter, he just kept on smashing it and smashing it and _smashing_ it even when it was just a pile of junk and circuits and glass, over and over and _over—_ ” he gasps, “there was glass everywhere… I’d forgotten that until just now— yeah— that... that was when I tried to walk out of the apartment and he— Oh God, I should have left sooner, I should have run when he was smashing the phone! It’s my fault, it’s my fault…”

“No. No.” Ryuu rocks him, stroking his hair. “Shh. Shh. It’s not your fault. It isn’t. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeats urgently, knowing that this one thing is the thing he _must_ say, that it’s the truth. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you did everything right.”

“If I’d left earlier— I, I tried to run. I could feel he was gonna… do something…” Yuu’s not hyperventilating, but it’s a close thing. Ryuu holds him close and rubs his back firmly and breathes slowly, in and out, hoping to coax his panicked breathing into the same rhythm. “He ran after me. D-dragged me back.” 

“Fucking bastard. It wasn’t your fault, you hear me? It’s his fault. You’re innocent in this. You’re the injured party.”

“I was so stupid, I was so stupid. I should have run sooner. I tried to run, but it was already too late.” Ryuu’s clutching onto Yuu like he’s falling out of a fucking airplane, like maybe he can snatch him out of the memories if he just holds on hard enough. “He—he dragged me back… oh thank god, I think that was when he hit me and I passed out…”

“I’m going to kill him,” Ryuu mutters, not for the first time. He gentles his frantic hold for fear of hurting his friend and just rocks him, letting him shudder and gasp in his embrace. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you hear me? You did everything right. I promise, I swear.” 

“I’m so fucking—I don’t remember…” Yuu exhales, subsiding. “I’m _relieved_ , shit, is it fucked up to be relieved? But I’m relieved he knocked me out.”

“You get to be relieved as much as you want,” Ryuu murmurs. “You get to feel whatever the fuck you want to feel.”

“Oh, man.” Yuu slumps into Ryuu’s embrace, going limp against him. He takes a deep breath, then another. “I don’t remember much after he hit me in the head, or maybe it was the face, I don’t remember too much, just flashes…” Yuu shakes his head. “My head is so fucked up…”

“Nothing’s fucked up except what he did to you.” Ryuu strokes Yuu’s hair and presses a gentle kiss to the livid bruise on his temple. “You are innocent.” He kisses the bruise again, feeling Yuu calming, his breathing evening out. “You’re perfect.” He kisses the bruise again. “You’re gonna need a new phone.”

Yuu seems to deflate, his head sinking further down onto Ryuu’s shoulder. “Yeah. That’ll have to wait. I don’t have any ID.”

“I think I might know a way around that. You wanna stop at NTT Docomo on the way to the movie theater, get a replacement SIM card, maybe buy a phone?”

“How are you gonna get my line back without ID?”

Ryuu smiles. “Your senpai has his ways.”

Yuu’s shoulders slump. “Don’t keep saying that. It’s like I suddenly got younger or you think I’m less.”

 _“Never!”_ Ryuu pulls back to look Yuu in the face. “I was just getting a rise out of you. I’m not… dammit, Yuu, I would _never…”_

Yuu nods, looking drained. “I know you don’t mean it. But it hurt.”

“I would never hurt you.”

“I believe you.”

“You wanna eat?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

They order in and eat comfortably in front of the second movie, lying down again when they’re done. Ryuu brings Yuu his pills and water, checking he’s well dosed up on pain medication, then haphazardly clears the table and loads the leftovers into the fridge. It’s a little after 5 pm and Yuu’s supposed to meet Asahi at the movie theater at seven. Ryuu carefully puts some money into the wallet while Yuu’s washing up and fixing his hair, smoothing the notes out so the money looks less than it is, then leaves it on the table with the keys next to it so Yuu can put them in himself. When Yuu comes out of the bathroom, Ryuu greets him with, “Wanna go to NTT Docomo?”

“I don’t know how you’re gonna swing it, but sure. I’d like to have a phone again. Make me feel a little less broken.”

Ryuu holds his tongue.

* * *

Accompanying Yuu down into the parking garage is easy - it’s just them in the elevator, and the garage doesn’t seem to feel too much, judging by the smooth way Yuu is walking. The pain meds seem to be working as well, Ryuu notes with satisfaction. He swings out of the garage and drives down the street, again keeping watch over Yuu’s reactions from the corner of his eye. Yuu seems just as apprehensive as Ryuu is, the fingertips of one hand absently touching the center of his chest, his eyes darting about: it looks like he’s checking his own reactions to the streets, the lights, the sounds, the people. Then he flicks a glance at Ryuu and catches him looking. “I’m not gonna break, man,” he says. Thank goodness, he seems amused, not offended.

“You know me. Worry wart,” Ryuu says easily, managing a half-smile. “You’d be breathing down my neck too if it was me.”

“Can’t deny that.” Yuu grins at him— not the full Nishinoya wattage, but sincere. “I think I’m doing good. I’ll let you know if anything’s too much.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Ryuu murmurs. Feeling a little shy, he lays a hand between the two of them, palm up, and is gratified when Yuu takes it, interlacing their fingers. He doesn’t know whom it’s helping most as he drives the short distance to the store—probably himself. Holding onto Yuu grounds him, makes him feel more secure, more settled inside.

Once outside the store, though, it’s a different story. They’re in a commercial area of town, and Ryuu can see everything the way Yuu might see it: wide open area, lots of people, too much light - although the sun is low in the sky now - too much noise. He parks as close to the store as he can and saunters around the car casually to take Yuu’s arm. “Don’t be a hero, man,” he entreats. “If it gets too much, _please_ talk to me, okay?”

Yuu is visibly taking a moment to adjust. Ryuu stands with him, arm-in-arm, as he stands on the sidewalk, staring around. The hand that isn’t linked through Ryuu’s arm is jerkily fumbling with the wallet in his sweatpants pocket. “Okay,” Yuu finally says, subdued. He takes a breath. “I’m okay now. Okay. Let’s do this.”

They make their way slowly through the door, and Ryuu pauses again to allow Yuu the chance to acclimate. The store is tasteful and quiet, not blaring music like some places. When they’ve paused long enough, he leads Yuu inside and seats him at one of the tables. “Wait here for me a minute,” he instructs. “You gonna be okay?”

“I’m not _five,_ Ryuu,” Yuu snaps.

“No. You’re not. I know you’re an adult. Nothing’s changed. I respect you.” Ryuu looks at him seriously. “But… You’d do the same if it was me.”

Yuu has nothing to say to that, and Ryuu darts away, not wanting to be away longer than he has to.

Soon enough, he’s arranged everything and is coming back, Kenma in tow. Their gamer friend fits in perfectly among the phones and consoles, retaining his otherworldly air even with his uniform and name-tag. “Noyassan,” he bows, then settles in the chair across from Yuu. Ryuu stands back, letting them interact.

 _“Kenma!”_ Yuu’s face lights up. “I didn’t know you were working here.”

“Studying too,” Kenma says in his quiet way. “Tanaka-san tells me you need a replacement SIM card.”

Yuu’s face falls. “Yeah, but I don’t have—”

Kenma slides the paperwork across the table to him. “Tanaka-san explained,” he says softly. “It’s done. Sign here, and I’ll get it issued.”

Yuu blinks. “But…”

A sly smile spreads across Kenma’s face. “I told them I checked your ID. We already have it on file. You’re good.”

Yuu bends over the paperwork to sign it. Neither of them mentions that his eyes have filled with tears. 

“You wanna take your time reading that,” says Kenma, still in that gentle tone, standing up and moving away a step, affording Yuu a little privacy. “It has details of your rate plan. It’s the same plan you were on, but check it anyway. I’ll bring over some phones you might be interested in.”

Ryuu moves discreetly a little distance away from the table. All he told Kenma was that Yuu had been “attacked” by his ex-boyfriend and his phone destroyed, but Kenma knows, if only through mutual friends, the kind of person Yuu was seeing, and those big eyes have always seen too much. 

Ryuu keeps a discreet eye on Yuu until Kenma comes back with three boxed phones, and Ryuu could hug him - just enough to give Yuu a choice, not so many that he’s overwhelmed. He hangs back, letting Yuu and Kenma talk. They discuss features and frills - Kenma has Opinions on which phones are best for texting, and is not afraid to voice them - and by the end of the conversation, it almost feels like a normal day. 

Yuu picks out a phone and Kenma takes Ryuu’s bank card and goes to make the payment, while Ryuu sits in the seat he vacated and opens the boxes for the phone and the SIM card, figuring out how to insert it so it can be activated before they leave the store. He’s afraid he may be overstepping, but Yuu just watches him with soft eyes. “Thank you,” he murmurs. 

Ryuu can’t help looking up and reaching across the table for his hand. “Thank you for letting me do this,” he says, letting the sincerity of his gratitude show on his face and in the way he clasps Yuu’s hand. They’ve always been physically affectionate with each other, but in the past couple of days, reaching for each other has taken on the feeling of a drowning man’s first stumbling steps onto dry land, or perhaps clutching at a life preserver. He’s never sure which of them is drowning and which is the life preserver. Although right now, like in the car, he’s pretty sure it’s Yuu keeping him afloat.

Kenma returns to the table and sits down. “Sorry to keep you waiting. You’re all set. Here’s the receipt.” He slides it across the table and Yuu lets go of Ryuu’s hand and takes the phone from him. “I’ll wait while you set your phone up in case you need anything.”

“You don’t have to,” says Yuu, looking up at their friend. “You’ve done so much already.”

“It’s my job,” says Kenma. Slowly, almost delicately, he adds, “If your phone was stolen, or you have any reason to believe the security of your device may have been compromised, you might want to change the passcode to your voice mailbox.”

Ryuu carefully keeps his breathing even. Yuu’s hands freeze on the phone, and his shoulders slump, although he keeps the rest of his posture under strict control. “That’s good advice,” he says tightly. “Thank you.”

“Standard procedure,” says Kenma smoothly, but he doesn’t elaborate. 

Ryuu lets Kenma be with Yuu for the rest of the setup process. As always, Kenma’s very presence is soothing, and Ryuu has a feeling it’ll be nice for Yuu to talk to a friendly face about something other than trauma for a while. He looks away, frowning. Is he being too overprotective? Too hyperfocused on what happened? Is he not giving Yuu room to feel normal? He stares up at a phone display, feeling lost. All he wants is to do what’s best, but he doesn’t have a clue what that is. Maybe… Maybe he can go online. There’s bound to be pages on how to support a friend who’s gone through a trauma. Yeah, that’s an idea. If there aren’t enough pages in Japanese, there’ll surely be some in English, and—

“...go, or we’ll be late.” Yuu gives his shoulder a friendly bump. Ryuu looks up, and he’s smiling. Kenma must have worked his magic.

“Thank you so much, Kenma-san.” Ryuu bows to Kenma, hoping his genuine gratitude shows in the way he bows low enough to narrowly miss bumping his head against the back of the chair. It’s worth it when Yuu giggles. “Come on, Mr. New Phone.”

* * *

They leave the store, Ryuu realizing suddenly that they’re back in the street and moving in close to Yuu’s side. He seems okay, though, restoring his contacts and frowning slightly at the screen. Before they get in the car, though, he looks around. “Hang on. We’re going to the theater now, right?”

“Yes…”

Yuu darts away from the car as fast as his injuries will allow him, and lowers himself innocently onto a bench next to a flowering bush that looks like an explosion of daisies. Surreptitiously, he reaches out and plucks one, stashing it in his jacket. Then, looking entirely like a criminal, he saunters back to the car.

Ryuu stares, then breaks into laughter as Yuu climbs in. “You do know there are florists all over, right? All you had to do was ask.”

“Florists are lame,” says Yuu. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

And Ryuu’s eyes burn. He glances over to his left, at his friend triumphantly hiding his trophy in his jacket, and he feels a sense of peace wash over him. Whatever happens, however hard the road, Yuu’s going to make it. He’s going to _fucking make it._ And if he’ll let Ryuu be by his side on his journey, well, that’s all he asks out of life right now, it’s all he’ll ever ask.

Smiling, he guns the engine and heads for the movie theater.

* * *

By the time they pull up at the curb, Ryuu’s made up his mind. “I’m not leaving till Asahi-san arrives,” he says firmly. “I think you should wait in the car.”

“Yeah, no.” Yuu works the door handle. “I’ll be fine.”

“Yuu.” The sidewalk is quiet in front of the theater, but there are still people coming and going, and it’s a wide open space. “Uh…” He can’t think of anything to say that won’t be patronizing, so he just looks at the sidewalk beyond the car. “You sure you should be standing that long?”

“It’s ten minutes to seven. He should be here any minute.”

And Yuu steps out of the car, and there’s nothing Ryuu can do to stop him. _It’s too soon,_ he wants to say, but instead he yells out of the window, “Do you have my number?”

“Ryuu, I’ve known your number backward and forward since high school!”

“Yeah, yeah, okay— Asahi-san’s number?”

“Yes, mom!”

And then there are no more questions to be asked, and he just lets Yuu walk away.

 _Let him have this,_ Ryuu thinks to himself even as he sees Yuu’s wide eyes dart about, his arms fold about his chest. His heart aches. Still, he tells himself, _Let him have this._ Yuu’s not looking back at the car anymore, his head turning this way and that, with jerky, uncertain movements. That’s when Ryuu remembers that Shin bought him the tickets, that when he goes to collect them at the window, he might be there. Waiting.

It’s a slim probability, but it’s there, and enough to make Ryuu cut the engine. Privacy be damned. He’s not going _anywhere_ till Asahi-san shows up and he’s certain Yuu has some backup. 

So he sits there, watching, for several minutes (four, it turns out later, when he checks). He ends up just staring at Yuu like a creepy stalker, scanning up and down the sidewalk and the streets to make sure no-one suspicious is approaching. Yuu’s leaning on the wall, looking casual enough: his shoulders are hunched up a bit, but on the whole, he’s doing _so fucking well_ for someone who was just in the hospital last night after a vicious and sadistic attack. He’s safe now, and Ryuu’s going to make sure he stays that way. Even if it means acting like a stalker to ward off non-existent stalkers. If that asshole showed up right now and tried to drag Yuu away — he has to suppress a shudder — Yuu wouldn’t stand a chance. Ryuu doesn’t think he’s unjustified in hanging around until Shin’s behind fucking bars.

His eyes dart up and down the street one more time. Yuu’s pulled out his phone and is scrolling through it, engrossed, at least for the moment, in the small screen, his shoulders relaxing and his posture natural. It’s up to Ryuu to watch his back, now, to give him this small moment of normalcy, of being able to just look at his phone on a crowded street without worrying about— Ryuu can’t help another shudder.

 _I’ve got your back, man,_ he vows silently, taking in Yuu’s slight figure, how small he looks in the baggy sweats, how his neck, bent over the phone, is showing the bruises from last night still. _You can relax and act like nothing happened because I am never letting my fucking guard down. Never let anyone hurt a hair on your head, Nishinoya Yuu. I promise, with everything I’ve got._

Ryuu spots Asahi-san an instant before Yuu puts his phone in his pocket and looks up. The smile that breaks across his face heals something inside Ryuu. But then Asahi-san comes closer and Ryuu sees his face. The caring, the kindness, the _adoration_ in his expression as he looks at Yuu— that warms Ryuu’s chest with a reassurance he didn’t know he needed. Yeah, Yuu’s hurt and vulnerable right now, and he might be in danger of another assault, but Ryuu’s not alone in caring for him. He can see in Asahi-san’s face that he’ll defend him with his life if need be. _I won’t be alone, if I do go back. I’ll have Asahi-san with me._ He watches them interact until his cheeks start to ache, and he notices, with surprise, that he’s smiling.

Finally able to breathe easier, Ryuu guns the engine. Maybe he’ll text them after practice, see if they want to come over or hang out or something. He was afraid it would feel like cutting his heart out to leave Yuu at the theater. But knowing there’s someone else he can trust to have Yuu’s back, he’s a lot more able to drive off to practice in peace, knowing Asahi-san will take good care of the better half of his heart until he can be with him again.


End file.
